This is one of the things going in that neither he nor I knew was a thing. If you think about it, it makes sense but its one of those until you know what to look for you are kinda sitting in the dark.
We knew that we had to have set rules, we just didn’t know it was to the extreme that we did. Now that being said, we overdo everything or almost everything. So We definitely went above and beyond what we needed to, almost to the point that it hindered more than it helped. We are hoping that maybe someone else can learn from the mistakes we made and learned from, and apply it to your own situation.
So what it is we were trying to do was establish a set of what is called “Yes, No, or Maybe. What it is, is a list of sexual acts and few other things that apply to the situation. For Ex: Kissing – Y – N – M Him= Y Her= N. So what this shows is kissing while with someone other than your partner a yes, no, or maybe. It then needs to be filled out for each partner, above it was filled out that He can kiss other people but he doesn’t feel comfortable with her kissing other people.
In this case, she would fill out her items she is ok with, then you both look over your list and the things you both were not just mutually in agreeance to you need to discuss and come up with a compromise/agreeance. Now, this is important and I will say it over and over, your boundaries need to start with whoever is least comfortable with their levels. If you do not several things might come back to bite you in the ass later.
The reason for this is if you do not you will push the person who is least comfortable and most resistant, and possibly force them to be ok with something they are not and then resentment and jealousy will come out of nowhere and slam your super fun swinging into a living nightmare.
So what did the hubby and I learn from this? Well, first and foremost we learn the importance of needing these boundaries in place. We learned, for the most part, we were on the same page, however, we were not on the same level of our comfort levels. I will try to get Xander to write this from his POV for you guys as it will help you understand why he was super resistant to want to start at the level I was comfortable with. Also over in the https://secret.firecloud.space/favorites-and-references/ Page, we will leave the list that we made for you to use.
