I think we can all agree that everyone wants and even needs some personal time and space. Each person is a bit different in the ways and the what’s they do with it. I want to steal a few minutes of what is most likely your personal time to talk about, well, personal time.
Is it morning, lunch, or 3 am? Everyone’s time is a little different. For me, it’s generally mornings. That before a lot of the world wakes up, 5 to 10 am. It’s me, the roosters, and a small circle of other crazy people. What makes your time, your time? What do you do in your time? What benefits does it provide? Let’s explore.
Beep, Beep, Beep – it’s not so bright and early. Depending on the day it’s between 5 and 7 in the morning. Time to rise and shine, we are going to time-lapse here and skip to the “me part”. A nice fresh cup of coffee, comfy office chair, staring at more monitors than anyone probably should be. Welcome to the me zone. I know in my head I have until about 9 am, tick, tick, tick. Then the “real” day starts. Now, as much as I would often prefer it otherwise – I’m an introvert, tested, tried, and true. Which makes this time different for me than my extrovert counterparts.
So, here we are – me, the internet, my phone, and maybe the dog. Why am I here, right now? For me – mornings represent a lot. I have always been a morning person – I have off and on woke up before 6:30 with no alarm, even while going to bed at two in the morning. I seldom lounge in the bed to start my day – its more of, the alarm goes off and in about fifteen minutes, I’m dressed, groomed, and prepped for the day. What does this mean? That I have a very little real thought process in that time – oh, and I do this while giving an attempt to be quiet, so as not to wake my NOT so morning, extroverted better half.
Back on track now – these couple hours are in many ways what sets the day. Introverts are known to need “recharge” time to themselves after dealing with the big bad world. I am backwards I guess – I need to charge up before dealing with the world. If we think about it that way, that our time is us mentally charging for the day or the next day (depending on when your time is for you). Which sounds better, plugging in your charger and letting it charge all nice and fast to 100% or plugging in and unplugging every few minutes? That doesn’t fill our batteries all that well huh. This is why we each have our own “charging” system that works the best and fastest. Here’s my speedy charge.
Virtual social – the act of being social while never actually being physically with someone. (Just made this up, I like it – off to webster ?)
I enjoy being social but it’s not really “me” – but that’s a completely different topic – look for later. First thing I do as that steaming coffee cools – skim email, and maybe social media. Now, I said skim – that’s most likely not reading for than a few words from a subject or post. Sound crazy, it prolly is. But it gives me an idea of what’s ahead. Next – a big bad social monster. I hit that text message icon – let’s see what other crazy soul is up and knows I’m too lurking around. There are select people who I have granted my time to. How do you get on this exclusive guest list?
- Not be a bringer of annoyance, no one – I mean no one wants to spend “their” time “dealing” with “that” person – you all know who I’m talking about.
- Be someone who is not an emergency – now don’t go thinking I’m insensitive (you are right to some point – again another post) what I’m talking about is the person who is always in crisis. It follows very closely the above.
- Don’t be needy – remember this is “my” time, not “you” time, not “us” time. That means I get to be selfish. But, I also realize that if you are having “you” time at the same time you get to be selfish. What’s that mean – that if you write to me and I don’t respond in a fashion that feels right to you – too bad. But that if you don’t respond because its “you” time also – then I have to deal with that.
- Bonus – not required but it helps – if we are close, long time friends or you have certain body features….. boobs? meaning a female of any sort.
If you are in the club – you get a message back. Now that makes me seem popular and snobby huh. Normally, at most, there is a single message. Often none. So then what? I make the internal choice – be virtual social or not. If I choose to then I grab a person or few depending on my mood and reach out. But again I know you are not required to respond and I have to be OK with that.
Now, during this time you will also find me mindlessly browsing the web, maybe watching TV / Movie / Porn. Yes, I said watching porn at 6 am. Am I a crazed horn-ball? Maybe. But if that’s what my mind wants to make my day go better – so be it.
Remember the entire point of personal time is to recharge and get ready for the day or recover from the day. So, the list will be different for each person. Mowing the lawn might recharge you. Reading a book, watching the news, maybe its plucking hairs from yourself. You do you. This is all about you and getting into the best state you can in the time you have.
But wait! What if I don’t like what, when, how my Other Half handles their personal time. Short answer – to bad. However, I cannot leave you on that note. Why should you be not OK but happy to let them do whatever it is that they want? Simple, it benefits you. Say what? Yep – let’s get down to the “what’s in it for me” because at the end that’s what makes this all better.
Which of the following do you like – time for a quick easy test.
- You’re SO moving through the day like a robot. Going through the motions just like any other day. Feeling very routine. Not lifeless, but blah.
- Your SO feeling happy, energized, motivated, breezing through the day.
Duh, option 2 right. Guess what – option 2 is someone who is properly charged. Don’t believe me? That’s fine – but how about this, give it a test. If I’m wrong – call me out on it. If I’m right – you’re welcome. How do you test it? Easy, but maybe not simple.
- Prepare yourself – be ready to let your person be them, uninterrupted. Now, if they invite you in – great, don’t turn them down – they just told you that at that moment you are the thing that will make the day the best it can be. So, don’t be all negative energy nelly.
- You have to let them choose the terms – as thoughtful as it might sound, booking out a few hours on the calendar for them as “them time” will not work. Each person has that time that just works for them. So approach them and express that you want them to take some time to themselves. Supply zero input as to when and accept the answer.
- Time is here – you do your normal. Let them do their time. Don’t ask about it – if they want to tell you about it, that’s fine.
- Repeat for one week.
Now at the end of the week – see if the following is true:
- They seem more lively
- Do more of the little things for you
- Want more sexy time
- More fun to be around
Ok, times up – this is way longer than I wanted – go experiment – report back.
